In the video linked above, you’ll see a casual conversation between me and my husband, Shama, where we talk through the emotions that came up after he got a text from his brother. The message had a bit of sarcasm, with his brother saying something like, “Who’s this? Sorry, I got an older brother?”—which could come across as a bit of a cheeky jab but also left Shama feeling unsure. While this kind of response wasn’t out of the ordinary from his brother, this time it hit differently, and Shama felt overwhelmed by it. He came to me wanting to talk through it, realising there was something deeper behind how he was feeling and wanting to understand where it was coming from.
This is something we both do for our personal exploration as well as relationship matters as they come up. It wasn’t always like this. In the beginning, I struggled with overwhelming anxiety in moments of conflict, which made me react and become confrontational, while Shama would shut down completely, having learned to avoid conflict due to violence in his childhood. Over time, we’ve learned to explore these emotions together, creating a space where we can talk about them openly, rather than letting them fester.
Why I Shared This Conversation Publicly
Some might wonder why I’d share such a personal conversation for everyone to see. The simple answer is: chats like this have been a big part of why Shama and I have grown so strong together. In the early years of our relationship, we were triggered by each other constantly. But despite the bumps, we always had a deep level of mutual respect and shared values that kept us working on ourselves and the relationship. It’s never been about one of us trying to “fix” or “change” the other, but rather, grow alongside each other.
Wherever we go—whether it’s a beautiful day out or even just doing the groceries—people often call us “love birds,” as if we’re in our own world. It’s also often seen in conversations on Twitch stream how comfortable we are with each other. But what others don’t see is the work we put into understanding each other beyond surface-level emotions. Honest conversations have been the backbone of our relationship. By choosing curiosity instead of reacting to each other’s emotional triggers, we’ve created a space where we can both grow. And while we’re far from perfect, the fact that we can have these conversations is a huge win for us.
If I had simply taken Shama’s emotional reactions personally and responded in kind, we would’ve stayed trapped in a cycle of miscommunication, thinking the problem was between us. By setting aside ego and approaching things with compassion and curiosity, I can hold space for him without judgement. This way, we’re able to move beyond the surface of the situation and find the real issue beneath. If I had reacted with, “Why are you grumpy?” or “Why are you acting like that?” the focus would’ve been on us clashing, instead of uncovering the deeper emotions driving his feelings. It’s about removing those initial blockages to dig deeper together. – and of course, we’ve been there, too!
On ‘Not Airing Dirty Laundry’
A week ago, I happened to have a conversation with my ex-partner for the first time in a few years, who mentioned how he doesn’t believe in airing personal issues in public. I understand where he’s coming from, and that view is shared by many. However, I see it differently. The idea of keeping things private—what some call “not airing dirty laundry”—is one that’s been passed down through generations. While I respect that perspective, I also believe that not talking about emotional issues can limit growth and keep us trapped in unhealthy cycles.
In our conversation, Shama and I talked about how these patterns of guilt and passive-aggressive communication have shaped his family relationships. He shared how he used to feel guilty without even knowing why, and how that led to distancing himself emotionally from his family. But what really stands out is that we’ve been able to talk about it openly and break through some of those old patterns.
We live in a culture where talking about emotions is often seen as something to be done behind closed doors, if at all. People are taught to suppress their feelings, and over time, this leads to an accumulation of unresolved emotions. When these emotions finally surface, they come out in ways that make it hard to address the root cause. That’s why I believe it’s so important to normalise open conversations about emotions. We don’t always realise what we’re holding back, and by keeping everything inside, we rob ourselves of the chance to learn, heal, and grow.
This ties into the concept of unconscious incompetence—we don’t know what we don’t know. If we aren’t talking about emotions, we’re missing opportunities to understand ourselves and others better. When these conversations are suppressed, people miss out on learning emotional intelligence and the skills needed to navigate their inner world. The more we avoid talking about it, the more people end up struggling in silence, and that’s not how we should be living.
The WHY
One of my biggest passions is advocating for normalising these kinds of conversations. It’s not about airing your personal business to the world for attention; it’s about breaking the silence that keeps people stuck in emotional isolation. I reckon when we start having these conversations openly, we pave the way for others to do the same—especially younger generations. They’re the ones who’ll benefit from knowing it’s okay to talk about their emotions without shame.
Education plays a massive role in this. If we start teaching emotional intelligence early on, we won’t have to spend so much time treating symptoms later. It’s about giving people the tools to handle their emotions in a healthy way. By sharing conversations like the one between Shama and me, I’m hoping to contribute to that change, even if it’s just in a small way. It’s not about showing off our relationship—it’s about creating a space where these important conversations can happen, be normalised, and understood.
At the end of the day, sharing this conversation wasn’t about “airing dirty laundry” or making anyone uncomfortable. It’s about highlighting the importance of compassion, understanding, and curiosity in relationships. It’s about going beyond the surface and getting to the heart of what’s really happening inside each of us.
At the core of it all, meaningful conversations—whether they’re with a partner, family, or even within ourselves—are what help us break through emotional barriers and grow. By choosing to be open, curious, and compassionate, we can shift from reacting to really understanding, not just each other but ourselves as well.
After spending time as a live streamer on Twitch, I’ve had a front-row seat to what feels like a growing pandemic of isolation in society. So many people are disconnected, craving genuine connection, but—just like we said earlier—you don’t know what you don’t know. People desire connection, but they’re often completely lost in the “how” and “why.” Social media and technology provide more ways to connect than ever, yet at the same time, they seem to leave many of us feeling more disconnected and unsure of how to truly relate to others.
My hope in sharing this is to encourage more people to have those honest conversations, to normalise them, and to create a space where emotions aren’t something to be feared or hidden but something to explore and embrace. Connection starts with understanding, and understanding begins with these conversations.