If you’ve ever had a conversation with me, you might have noticed that I tend to ask what some might call “loaded questions”. Now, don’t worry, I’m not after your social security number or the deets of your latest bank heist. No, my questions are more about diving into the emotional deep end – without the arm floaties.
The Misconception of Personal Questions
There’s a common belief that asking personal questions makes people uncomfortable like the social equivalent of stepping on a Lego barefoot. Uncomfortable, right? Well, I beg to differ – with all due respect to Lego, of course.
Why Do We Really Avoid Deep Emotional Questions?
Many of us tiptoe around really connecting because we fear poking the emotional bear.
“Don’t ask deep questions; you’ll make them squirm!” they say.
But I say, maybe we’re just scared of a little squirming ourselves. After all, who hasn’t played emotional hot potato with their feelings now and then?
Many of us shy away from truly connecting with others because of a fear of stirring up discomfort by asking emotionally heavy questions. This hesitance is often perceived as considerate, but I view it as a projection of one’s own fears — a reluctance to face potentially uncomfortable situations.
Facing Emotional Questions Head-On
This avoidance could indicate a lack of confidence in handling one’s own emotions in situations where others might react in what could be termed as ‘unpleasant’ ways or where misunderstandings might arise. At the heart of this is an emotion — be it anger, sadness, or another — that we don’t fully understand within ourselves and, as a result, subconsciously seek to avoid in others.
However, when we start consciously processing our emotions instead of repressing them, these once daunting feelings lose their grip of ‘anxiety‘. Understanding our emotional landscape allows us to embrace our feelings as they are, fearlessly. By asking deep, personal questions, we not only open the door to deeper connections with others but also challenge ourselves to confront and understand our own emotional responses. This fearless approach to emotion is not just about understanding others, but about gaining a profound understanding of ourselves.
Navigating Anxiety as a Path to Connection
In today’s world, ‘anxiety‘ gets the bad rap of being labeled a mental boogeyman more than just a regular, run-of-the-mill emotion. So I understand that exploring it can feel like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube in the dark. Anxiety, as I see it, is like that awkward moment of uncertainty – It’s not merely sadness but a culmination of repressed emotions that can erupt irrationally, such as in bursts of anger, sudden crying, or complete shutdown.
If you seek deep connections but struggle to find them, start by examining your connection with yourself. True connection deepens through shared emotions. If you’re unable to delve into your own emotions, forming deep bonds with others can be… confusing. Why? When you lack understanding of your own emotions, you’re more likely to subconsciously seek explanations for these feelings in others. This approach often leads to a repetitive cycle, as you’re searching for answers in the wrong place instead of addressing the root cause within yourself.
Emotional Exploration… Where to start?
Next time you find yourself clamming up, pause for a moment. Ask yourself, “Why have I suddenly become a human clam?” Consider whether it’s the topic itself that’s affecting you. If so, explore why this particular subject triggers such a strong emotional response in you as it may lead you to understand your passion. Alternatively, is it the way the topic was communicated that made it seem like a conflict? If that’s the case, delve into why conflict causes you to withdraw. Where do these emotional reactions originate from? Reflect on the roots of these feelings to gain a deeper understanding of yourself. As I mentioned, it’s the lack of understanding of your own emotions that leads to anxiety, causing irrational responses.
Say you’re painting everything in rosy hues when it’s actually fifty shades of grey inside. Why the cover-up? Are you worried about being an emotional pack mule, or thinking no one’s signed up for your personal soap opera? But think about it – when your buddy opens up about their latest drama, do you feel burdened, or are you grabbing the popcorn and pulling up a chair? Then, why do we treat our own emotions like unwanted guests at a party? Maybe it’s all those well-meaning grown-ups in our childhood telling us to “suck it up” or that “it could be worse.” Turns out, those comments might have left us thinking our emotional luggage should be left at the door.
Embracing our emotional depth and asking personal questions isn’t just about forming connections with others; it’s a journey towards understanding and connecting deeply with ourselves.
What about you? what are sensitive topics for you? and Why?